Sang Nordique

The Gimli Times News

Volume X, Issue DCCXXIV

Saturday, July 24th 2010

La Cosa Nostra Recruitment?

After the gun battles of the previous weeks, it seems Gimli’s mafia presence may be looking for new gunhands. Undercover reporters and workplace lookouts report an increase in the connections between mafia members and industrial officials, gang members, and public officers, just to name a few.

Polar Bear stolen, Security Guard found Dead

Earlier this week, One of the Gimli Zoo’s two Polar Bears was stolen in the middle of the night. Police are currently looking for a man wearing a black hooded sweater and pants with black sunglasses. The perpetrator escaped into a nearby sewer entrance when spotted. The polar bear was briefly re-captured by zoo officials, but the bear was later stolen. Two security guards were found in the bears enclosure, one deceased.

Street Shootout

Earlier this week, several groups of men in expensive looking suits got into a shootout, supposedly over territory. The shootout occurred near the Walker bridge on Tuesday night. There were multiple casualties on both sides.

Heightened Police Presence in Gimli

In the wake of the discovery of the body of infamous terrorist Hassan Kahlil Muhammad, the Gimli Police Department has increased the number of foot and vehicle patrols, pulling those officers normally behind a desk out onto the streets of Gimli. No comment was issued as to what threat Gimli may be under, but it seems the Police are not taking the possibility of a terrorist attack lightly.

Letter to the Editor: Vet Isn't All Bad

I’ve been hearing rumours around town about the Veteranarian Dr. Northam. I wanted to put it out there that the rumours of sick dogs simply are not true. Every time I bring my pet Pekanese to Dr. Northam, there are never any pets getting anything less that the best of care. He was even able to save my dogs life, curing his twisted stomach. - Rachel

Restaurant of Progress

It seems the success of the recently erected “Fortress of Progress” in downtown Gimli is on roll. Not only is it drawing in business such as Pane and Sons Tobacconist, but now home to Gimli’s newest high scale restaurant. The restaurant has yet to be opened to the public, and it’s name is still a secret, but we promise an in-depth review as soon as we can.